How to Teach Impulse Control to Kids
Can you teach impulse control, an all-important aspect of social-emotional learning? You can if you follow these tips!
Why It’s Important to Teach Impulse Control to Kids
Children have little to no control over their impulses when they are young.
They are driven by their immediate hunger, curiosity, comfort, and sleep needs. They can’t regulate their emotions.
As they grow and mature, children must learn to self-regulate and control their impulses.
Mastering impulse control helps children in many ways, most notably:
Better Mental Well-Being
When children can control their impulses, they learn to cope with stress, anger, and frustration in a healthy way.
They can restrain themselves from giving way to emotional outbursts that often spiral downward.
By keeping their mood in check, they experience the mental well-being that comes with emotional stability.
Increased Social Skills
Children who frequently give way to impulses demand more from others, have trouble sharing, and often respond inappropriately.
When they learn to control their impulses, children have an easier time making and keeping friends.
Academic Success
Impulses are bids for the child to shift their attention elsewhere.
Children who control their impulses can better listen, stay on task, and follow directions.
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11 Ways to Teach Impulse Control to Kids
Although no one (adult or child) always controls their impulses, you can help children develop this social-emotional skill.
For more tips on teaching social-emotional learning, check out this article.
Model Self-Control Yourself
This one is at the top of the list for a good reason.
Although we wish children would “do what we say and not what we do,” this is unrealistic.
Children follow your example.
They look to the adults in their lives to demonstrate how to behave.
If you want your children to control their impulses, you must control yours.
Establish a SMART Goal
You need to be specific when teaching kids impulse control. Set a SMART goal.
SMART goals are smart, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.
Instead of saying, “I want you to control your impulses,” work on something specific and achievable for a set amount of time.
For example:
- Calmly taking turns with others
- Not sneaking treats
- Transitioning calmly from a specific activity to another
- Using “soft hands” with others when _____ (pick a situation)
- Not yelling out an answer in class
Teach Kids to Relax Through Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises are one of the best calming techniques for kids (and grownups).
One example is starfish breathing. Here’s how to do it:
The child places one hand on a table and traces its outline with the finger of the opposite hand.
As he moves up a finger, he inhales.
As he traces down the other side of the finger, he exhales.
Once he traces all five fingers, he has made a starfish!
Breathing exercises can redirect a child’s focus and prevent them from reacting to stress or frustration.
Play (Short) Waiting Games
When kids can handle delayed gratification, they improve their overall impulse control.
You can play waiting games to practice delayed gratification.
These can be as simple as singing a song together before opening a gift or serving dessert.
Stick to a Routine
Surprises, quick transitions, and unexpected activities can throw kids for a loop and lead to emotional outbursts.
Having a plan helps kids prepare themselves (mentally and physically) for what’s next.
Kids learn the value of a routine as an aid in self-regulation.
Establish Clear Boundaries
Children thrive with consistency. They benefit from knowing what to expect.
This extends to boundaries. Clearly communicate your boundaries for acceptable behavior.
Establish ahead of time the consequences for crossing those boundaries so you don’t react in the moment.
Children who understand the consequences of undesirable behavior are less likely to follow their negative impulses.
Use Positive Reinforcement
Teaching impulse control is not all about rules and consequences.
Positive reinforcement is highly effective in teaching self-control.
Reward positive behavior with verbal praise or small incentives.
Kids, even those who frequently act out, are trying to control themselves. They want to do it!
Keep your eyes open for the times when they try to control themselves so you can respond positively.
Teach Creative Problem-Solving
Children feel frustrated when they can’t have what they want. This can lead to emotional outbursts.
When your child knows how to problem solve, she can think of alternate solutions and keep frustration at bay.
You can teach problem-solving with these activities.
Stay Active
Physical activity can help children de-stress, focus, and control their impulses.
Encourage physical activity like walking, dancing, climbing, yoga, or bike riding.
Even unstructured outdoor time (like backyard play) can help kids better control their impulses afterward.
Even short bursts of activity, like these brain breaks, can help.
Role-Play Appropriate Responses
Walk through with the child how to control themselves before the impulse strikes.
You can do this by teaching a technique like: “Stop, Think, and Choose.”
Stop: When you feel a negative impulse, freeze! (A breathing exercise can help with this!)
Think: “What are your options?” You always have a choice. Will your choice make things better or worse?
Choose: The option that makes things better!
You can role-play various scenarios, and the child can talk through “Stop, Think, and Choose.”
Use Visual Reminders Like Anchor Charts
Even if you teach “Stop, Think, and Choose,” children may forget it in the moment.
Make an anchor chart to display those words in a visible location. (Or make a reminder card to carry with you.)
You could also display symbols, like a stop sign, a brain, and two arrows going in opposite directions.
Or you can use a stop light’s red, yellow, and green lights as the cue.
Final Thoughts on Impulse Control
It is the journey of a lifetime to master impulse control. Everyone struggles with this!
Children lack the mental and emotional maturity to control themselves in every situation.
But they do want to!
Impulse control can be learned. Be patient and follow these tips to help the kids in your life.
