Impulse Control 101: Helping Kids Pause, Think, and Choose
Kids don’t have to be at the mercy of their impulses. You can teach impulse control with these activities and techniques.
Impulse Control in Kids
Impulse control is one of the brain’s executive functioning skills.
It is the ability to stop and think before acting on a thought, desire, or urge.
As you can imagine, this is a vital skill, as it enables a person to refrain from doing what they want to do (such as throwing something when they are frustrated) and choose a more appropriate action instead.
Impulse control and emotional regulation are closely intertwined.
The ability to control impulses develops over time. It is tied to the brain’s prefrontal cortex, which fully matures in the mid-20s.
Kids do not develop impulse control at the same rate.
Additionally, ADHD can make impulse control all the more difficult for a child to manage.
Techniques and Activities to Build Impulse Control in Kids
These techniques and activities will help kids and teens to pause, think, and choose an appropriate behavior, instead of acting on impulses.
Role-Playing
Role-playing allows kids to practice a scenario and walk through an appropriate response before the tide of emotions carries them away.
Consider role-playing any applicable scenarios:
- sharing a toy
- waiting for a turn
- resisting peer pressure
- expressing frustration without yelling, throwing, or hitting
When role-playing, both adult and child play a role.
Start with the adult playing the role of the person correctly resisting an impulse.
Once you have modeled an appropriate response, switch roles so the child can practice responding in a controlled manner.
Kids may need to practice this a few times. Praise their effort to encourage them to keep at it!
Always practice role-playing when the child is in a level emotional state.
Traffic Light Chart
A traffic light is a perfect visual cue for controlling impulses.
Green = Go Ahead
Go ahead and proceed with safe and appropriate actions, such as asking for a toy to be returned or taking a mindfulness break when you’re frustrated.
Green actions can also refer to positive impulses, such as helping a friend or being kind.
Yellow = Pause
Pause and think before you act. When you feel an impulse, take this “yellow moment” to decide if it is a green response (one you may go ahead and do) or a red response (don’t do it).
The yellow light is the all-important light where a child learns to think through the potential consequences of action.
Tell kids to hover on yellow for ten seconds before proceeding to red or green.
Red = Stop
These are the actions that are unsafe or inappropriate.
If you feel an impulse to do a red action, pause on yellow and then choose an alternate green action.
You can create a traffic light chart and have kids color it in. Then they can add examples of red and green actions in the lights themselves.
Mindfulness Breaks
Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment through sensory experiences.
Kids can take note of their emotions and impulses before proceeding to an action.
Mindfulness breaks, such as breathing exercises, visualization exercises, and body scans, can give the child needed time to calm down and assess.
Find out more about these activities (and others) in Teaching Mindfulness to Children, Mindfulness in Homeschool, and Mindfulness in Education.
Delayed Gratification Games
Make waiting fun by playing games that practice delayed gratification.
This includes games that involve taking turns. Check out these articles that have specific game recommendations:
You can play a game where the child can have one treat now or have two treats after a designated period of time.
Timer challenges are another way to make delayed gratification fun.
Here is one example: Tell a child that you are going to set a timer, and they have to keep their hand in the treasure bin for 30 seconds before pulling out a prize.
Stop-Think-Act Chart
This is another visual cue that reminds kids to consider the consequences before acting.
You can use a traffic light symbol again.
Red = Stop when you feel an impulse. What do you want to do?
Yellow = Think through the consequences of the action.
Green = Act if the action is safe and appropriate. If not, take a break or consider an alternative action.
Reward System
Impulse control is difficult! It is easy to focus on failures rather than moments when a strong impulse is resisted.
Reinforce positive behavior when you see self-control. This makes a huge difference!
You can have a prize bin for younger kids. Teens can earn privileges and small rewards.
Check out these ideas for a treasure bin: desk pets and scratch-off cards.
Physical Outlets
Excess physical energy can make emotions (and resulting impulses) harder to manage.
Engage in daily physical exercises (especially at the start of the day) like jogging, walking, yoga, or jumprope.
Fidget toys, such as stress balls, putty, and these DIY fidget balls, can also provide a safe outlet for a charged emotional state.
Creative Outlets
Creative expression can help enormously with emotional regulation.
Creativity takes the mind off the frustration of the moment and redirects it to a calming activity.
Activities such as drawing, painting, playing music, or building something can help with impulse control.
Journaling
Encourage kids to journal about their feelings. This is a way for them to monitor themselves.
They can note when they felt an impulse and resisted.
They can also note when they did not do well and note a concrete way to improve for next time.
By the way, journaling for kids has numerous other advantages!
Teaching Kids Impulse Control
Impulse control cannot be magically mastered overnight (it takes years!), but you can help kids build impulse control with these techniques and activities.
And remember to model impulse control yourself. (It is okay for you to take a mindfulness break, too!)
