How to Help Kids Who Always Forget What They Were Doing
Follow these practical strategies to improve working memory at home and in class.
Why Do Kids Forget What They Were Doing?
Mid-task forgetfulness can happen to both kids and adults. Have you ever walked into a room and realized you can’t remember what your purpose was?
Kids who lose track in the middle of a task aren’t being disobedient; they are struggling with working memory.
Working memory is the brain’s post-it note. It is designed for very short-term storage (10-15 seconds). It is one of the brain’s executive functioning skills.
Kids use working memory at school to solve math problems (e.g., “Remember to carry the 1.”), spell words, and remember the first half of the sentence while they decode the second half.
For everyday tasks, kids use working memory to follow directions, hold a conversation (remember what the person just said), and complete chores (e.g., “What do I do after I get the spray bottle?”).
Reasons Kids Have Poor Working Memory
There are several reasons kids may lose track in the middle of a task.
They Are Still Developing
Kids’ brains are still developing. Increasing working memory takes time.
While the average adult can hold around seven items in their working memory, kids hold much less.
Preschoolers can hold around two items in their working memory. By upper elementary, kids can hold around four. By the teen years, they can hold six.
These are only averages; some kids take longer to develop their working memory than others. Other factors also influence working memory.
Fatigue
When you are tired, your working memory decreases.
Attention Shifts
Kids are easily distractible. This is all the more true if a child has ADHD.
As adults, we may get frustrated with kids who forget instructions.
But kids may be so distracted figuring out how to do a task or why it needs completing that they miss the instructions on how to get it done.
In some cases, the child is listening to you; they are just focusing on one aspect of your instructions and missing the rest.
Lost in Their Thoughts
It is easy to lose track of what you are doing when your mind is elsewhere.
Kids may be daydreaming and thinking of something pleasant.
They may also be experiencing negative emotions, such as worry, which can limit their working memory by occupying their thoughts.
Practical Strategies to Help Kids Finish Tasks
These practical strategies will help kids at home and in school keep track of what they are doing.
Sticky Notes
Visual reminders like sticky notes are like a backup drive for working memory.
You can place sticky notes wherever the child needs a reminder, such as “Your lunch is in the fridge” stuck to their backpack.
If kids are too young to read, use picture cues to emphasize routines like a picture of a clothes hamper, pjs, and a toothbrush to remind the child of his before-bed routine.
In school, you can use sticky notes to remind a child what to do after a test or other quiet task.
Chunking Tasks
Remember, kids cannot remember long lists of directions. Their working memory cannot hold that many items.
If you tell a child to go to their backpack, take out their science homework, and put it in the basket on your desk, they often get stuck between retrieving their backpack and clutching their science homework.
Break directions into discrete steps. Once they have completed the first step, tell them the next one, and so on.
As an alternative, you can use a visual reminder, like writing the steps on a whiteboard or sticky note.
Vocal Rehearsal
When we give oral directions, the child must listen and remember.
You can boost their working memory by laying down another layer of the instructions through vocal rehearsal.
In a group setting, you can give directions and ask the child to repeat them back to you before setting off the complete the task.
If you want to equip kids to improve their working memory at any time or place, teach them to whisper the directions back to themselves.
For example, if you tell a child to put his light clothes in the washer, set it to warm wash, add the special fragrance-free detergent, and turn it on, the child can quietly vocally rehearse to herself, “light clothes, warm, fragrance-free, on.”
Checklists and Routines
If your child struggles to complete everyday tasks, turn those tasks into patterns.
Do the same thing every day. For example, the morning routine in the classroom or homeschool should always be the same.
You can post this routine on a bulletin board or the whiteboard until kids have it memorized.
For other tasks, lean on rhythm-based scheduling.
Rhythm-based scheduling is not a schedule per se, but rather a series of tasks that lead into one another.
For example, whenever you come in from outside recess, you put your water in the cubby, wash your hands, and get out your workbook.
Memory Cues
Memory cues help students stay on track with a task.
For example, color-code folders or notebooks per subject: green for science, red for English, etc.
This color-prompting will help kids remember what comes next from day to day.
You can also use hand signals. If you hold up one finger, it means “Get a pencil.” If you hold up two fingers, it means “Open your book.” And so on and so forth.
Anchor charts, word walls, or visual checklists are other memory cues.
At home, you can have an “in and out” spot. This space should have a hook for a backpack, a spot for shoes, a place to keep their musical instrument or sports equipment, etc.
This “in and out” spot is a memory cue that triggers a routine for arriving and leaving the home.
Musical Cues
Musical cues are a type of memory cue and vocal rehearsal in one.
Use songs or chants to prompt and complete activities.
For example, you can sing this song to the tune of “London Bridge is Falling Down” to help your child remember to load his dishes in the dishwasher after lunch.
After lunch, we load our dish, load our dish, load our dish.
After lunch, we load our dish
and our cup.
Helping Kids Who Forget Mid-Task
No child wants to be forgetful. Forgetting what you are doing mid-task is embarrassing (we can all relate to this).
Help your child follow tasks to completion by implementing these practical strategies.
